


I'd Rather Go Stag

by clovvnfvcker



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: F/M, Fingering, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, Public Sex, Vaginal Sex, Wedding Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:40:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25642936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clovvnfvcker/pseuds/clovvnfvcker
Summary: Your family has been badgering you about your lack of dating prospects for years. So much so, in fact, that your cousin has dictated that you must bring a date to her wedding. Enter Hisoka, more of a problem than a solution.
Relationships: Hisoka (Hunter x Hunter)/Reader
Comments: 8
Kudos: 319





	I'd Rather Go Stag

You slugged back your drink to try and calm your self-loathing.

“I mean, why do I even  _ need  _ a date to Eloise’s wedding? Why can’t I just fly stag like I always do?” You whined while your fuchsia friend listened intently.

Well, maybe friend was too strong of a word, but you had been work acquaintances since the Hunter exam when you got licensed. He had been disqualified for killing one of the proctors and about twenty contestants, but the two of you had always gotten along well. In fact, you had this tradition of meeting up and hitting the club when you happened to be in the same town, which was how you ended up here.

Admittedly, it wasn’t so much a club as it was a hotel bar, this town was too backwoods for a club, but booze is booze as far as you were concerned.

Your cousin, Eloise, had sent you an invite for her upcoming nuptials with the strict instructions that you  _ were  _ to bring a date. Your family had been driving you nuts about your lack of dating prospects for years, but you had always thought it was a joke, albeit an annoying one. You had bigger things to care about as a Hunter! Dating could always come later, but Hunter adventures were often time sensitive and required you to strike while the iron was hot.

Apparently, later had come whether you wanted it to or not.

“Can’t they see that there are more important things in my life than whether or not I’m sharing mouth germs with another person on a regular basis! I mean, geez, you think they’d be proud I’m a Hunter, but no, my job is to go home and pop out a couple of kids and live the white picket fence life.”

Your companion’s eyes flickered wickedly as he smirked at you.

“You know,” he said, leaning his chin on his hands with his elbows resting on his thighs, “I could always pose as your boyfriend, just for the wedding~”

“Pffft, yeah right,” you snorted, but his playful expression was replaced with a miserable -if hilarious- pout, “oh, you were serious.”

“Of course I’m serious! You’re so mean to me~” he whined, the put-upon overgrown toddler he was. Still, you knew it was all an act, just his flare for the dramatics kicking up again. If he was actually upset with you, he very easily could’ve gotten up and left or sent you flying through the wall if he had wanted. He was certainly prone to violence. Regardless, his mischievous grin found its way back onto his angular, masculine features.

“Come on~ let me be your date, it’ll get them off your back~” his offer was so tempting when he phrased it like that, “Besides, weddings mean open bars, we can sit around and drink free liquor all night~”

You supposed, when you thought about it, it made sense. You had to be going crazy, listening to Hisoka fucking Morow’s ideas and agreeing with them, but then again, he was an excellent strategist. He was good at reading people and playing psychological games to keep them on their toes. Why couldn’t he read the room and fit neatly into polite society?

It was worth a shot just to not have to listen to Great Aunt Portia’s spiel about how you were going to die an old spinster if you didn’t hurry up and find a man for the millionth fucking time.

“Fine, but we need to go over a few ground rules,” you said, “One, no bloodshed, murder, or maiming. These people are my family and none of them use nen, they won’t survive and I will be very unhappy if any of them get injured.”

Hisoka nodded.

“Two, this is Eloise’s day, we’re going to do our best to be as inconspicuous as possible. She and her wife paid a lot of money for this event, and damn it, they earned their spotlight. So no weird carnie tricks or extra flashy clothes, okay?”

He nodded again, already looking like you were actively pissing in his breakfast cereal and ruining all of his fun.

“Third, we have to make it look like we’re dating, so no hitting on any of the other guests,” he raised his hand like some kind of school child about to ask his teacher to go to the bathroom, “yes?”

“Can I hit on you~?” You mulled it over for a second. As much as you weren’t overwhelmingly excited at the prospect of playing happy couple with your clown friend, you supposed it would look strange if you spent all night without getting handsy or flirting, and you didn’t want your family to cotton onto the fact that you and Hisoka were more or less strictly platonic.

“Fine, you can hit on me. You can touch me, too, for added effect. Just don’t make it weird.”

“Roger, Captain~” He winked and bought you another drink.

You were going to regret this.

____

Five weeks later, you already regretted this.

You had an apartment in town that you were staying in for the wedding, but Hisoka had gotten a hotel room and, as such, you had to go pick him up. You desperately hoped he had the foresight to clean up well and not look like an escaped circus clown, but you could never be sure just how far you could trust him.

This wedding was a formal affair. You had selected a conservative yet comfortable tea-length gown that exposed your shoulders and a pair of classy and sensible wedge heeled shoes. You were terrified that he’d broken into his closet and brought back his poofy-shoulder crop top from the depths of hell that lived in his wardrobe.

You knocked on the door to his room.

“Just a moment, okay~?” He called to you. You leaned your back against the hallway wall across from the door and briefly considered making a mad dash out of here.

Sure, Eloise would be pissed that you hadn’t brought your date, and your family would give you hell for being single, but at least you wouldn’t have to worry yourself stupid all night making sure Hisoka behaved. You got along well, sure, but that didn’t mean you had made the right choice in letting him tag along with you. He was flamboyant and murderous in equal measure. You were sure he was either going to upstage the brides or gut Uncle Greg for making an inappropriate comment about his attire.

You had just about resolved to leave without him when his door opened, and there he stood, the warm sunlight streaming in the windows behind him and framing him like an angel descended from the heavens.

His bright fuchsia hair had been toned down to an almost natural-looking carrot color, leaving it to rest comfortably down on his head instead of teasing it up into his gravity-defying preferred look. His signature star and teardrop were gone, as well as most of his signature makeup, but you were sure you’d see a hint of eyeliner and mascara if you got close enough. He had avoided drawing in his usual arched eyebrows in favor of a more neutral expression.

He was wearing a crisp, tailored navy suit that hugged his angles and curves perfectly. His white button-up undershirt had been recently pressed, and his maroon tie lay perfectly flat across his torso. His fine leather dress shoes still came to a point at the end of his toes and had a slight heel to them that made them just this side of feminine.

Overall, you appraised, he looked dashing.

“Are you going to stand there staring at me all night, Love, or do we have a wedding to get to~?” He teased, offering you his arm. Even his nails had been trimmed and painted to match his tie. You took it and let him guide you down the hallway and out into the evening air.

“I suppose you clean up well...for a clown.”

“ _ Magician,  _ Love.”

____

No, you definitely regretted this.

No sooner had the two of you crossed the threshold into the venue than your relatives swooped on you like a pack of wild vultures, tearing you apart with questions regarding you and your ‘handsome beau.’

They could at least ask about your job first.

“So how did the two of you meet, Hisoka?”

“Oh, we met while getting licensed for work. Of course, she passed with flying colors, but she was sweet enough to not forget about me when I had to retake the exam the next year~” his voice dripped with liquid adoration. Damn, he was convincing.

You were surprised that he wasn’t completely lying, simply embellishing the details a bit. You supposed there was always a hint of truth at the core of every convincing lie, so it made sense that he was building your ‘love story’ on the foundation that built your friendship. You wondered what else he could be lying about, and where exactly the truth hid amongst the whimsy.

“Why did you have to retake the exam? Surely a man like you could pass with no problem if our little niece could,” thanks, Margaret, you old prune.

“There was a...miscommunication between myself and one of the proctors, which disqualified me prematurely,” his arm tightened around your waist only a fraction, signalling that he knew better than to bring up his homicidal nature around them and was looking for your approval.

You nuzzled the side of your head into his broad shoulder. The action was bizarre for you, but not wholly unpleasant. In fact, it was rather enjoyable. He was wearing cologne tonight, something floral with hints of teakwood that was very clean and suited him well. He really went all out for you, you thought. The man usually smelled like bubblegum and bloodshed.

You didn’t bother to think about what he’d ask for in return later.

“Look, it’s so lovely to see you all, but I think the ceremony is about to start. We need to go find our seats. Come along, honey,” and with that, you expertly weaseled your way out of dealing with your family for a few minutes. Hisoka followed you back outside of the lavish antique house to the lush overflowing garden, where several rows of seats were lined up facing the vintage pagoda tastefully draped in chiffon and decorated with an abundance of lilies.

“I think that went pretty well,” he commented as you settled into a chair before gracefully sliding into place next to you. You scowled.

“I can’t believe Margaret said that about me. Me! ‘Our little niece’ my ass,” you were ready to have a full blown tirade right there, but Hisoka wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you into his firm chest, his lips and nose settling in your hair.

“Shh,” he hushed, “you can rant all about it to me later over a glass of whiskey, okay?”

You suddenly felt rather nervous and shy, a well of butterflies floating into your stomach. No, no way they came from Hisoka, it had to be the love that your cousin and her bride had clearly poured into this wedding. That’s it, you were sentimental on their behalf, there’s no way you actually felt a flutter of something for Hisoka god damn Morow. Right? He was just a work friend, right?

You didn’t have time to mull it over when some of your other cousins and Eloise’s friends started seating themselves around you. Hisoka kept his arm draped over the back of your chair, his legs crossed toward you, and you tried your best to ignore the little spark of electricity you felt each time he happened to brush against you. Instead, you focused on catching up with the younger crowd of relatives, such as your cousin Miette, who you learned was in medical school in York New City.

Hisoka’s ears seemed to perk up at that, but you never did get the context, as the live stringed quartet began the processional music only a moment later.

____

The ceremony was gorgeous.

Eloise had never looked happier than she had reading her handwritten vows with tears in her eyes, with her new wife, Leena, doing her best to hold back sobs. They looked so incredibly in love to you, and you hoped more than anything that they would go on to be happy together. You had even gotten a little welled up.

Hisoka had somehow manifested a cloth handkerchief out of who knows where for you to dry your eyes on the moment the first tear fell. You were grateful for the gesture. How in the world had he known, you thought, when he leaned down to whisper in your ear.

“It’s a wedding, Love, there are always tears,” his breath was warm where it teased you, and you found yourself wishing for more when he leaned back into his chair. How dare he read your mind.

The quartet kicked up again as the brides sealed their union with a smooch and danced their way back down the aisle, whisking off to go take more pictures, and the crowd soon dispersed back into the house. You decided to take a short stroll through the garden while you waited for people to clear out.

You didn’t have to turn around to know Hisoka had followed you out into the hedge maze behind the gazebo, draped in fairy lights and carefully decorated with large pots of fragrant flowers. It was magical with the setting sun off in the distance, leaving only golden rays that reminded you of Hisoka’s beautiful eyes. When had you actually started noticing how handsome he was? You rolled the idea around in your head, the idea of maybe feeling something more for your friend, as you travelled further into the maze.

Eventually, you found your way into the center. You could see the house over the hedges back the way you came, so you knew you weren’t terribly far, but the bushes were high enough that no one on the ground level would be able to see you. In the center was a large babbling fountain with a stone bench in front of it. You sat and took in your surroundings.

Eloise and Leena had done a spectacular job.

Hisoka sauntered up to you, his hand gentle and warm as it brushed across your cheek, taking a stray strand of hair with it, when he produced one of the bright yellow lilies from the garden in his other hand.

“I thought this might accent your dress well, Darling,” he said as he placed it gently behind your ear, “I do believe we have your family fooled~”

Fooled, right. None of this was real. This was another one of his acts for your benefit. Still, in this fantastic setting with an inkling of privacy, you couldn’t help but wonder  _ what if. _

He sat down beside you, all long legs and theatrical grace, and you shivered. The night was starting to get chilly, you told yourself, it had absolutely nothing to do with the delicious slide of his pants against your bare calf, or the way his hip fit snugly into yours.

“Why the long face, Love~? Aren’t you enjoying yourself?”

“I’m going to be honest with you, Hisoka, but you have to promise not to laugh,” he nodded, one eyebrow arching in curiosity. You didn’t trust the way his eyes were glinting in the dying light. “I might be kinda sorta thinking about what it would be like to kiss you.”

He snorted, then chuckled, then outright laughed, his body curling in on itself as he shook. The sound, however wonderful, broke your heart a little. So the thought of kissing you was hilarious to him, you guessed. You wanted to crawl in a hole and lick the wound of his rejection. When he was done, he sat back upright, then wiped a nonexistent tear from his eyes.

“Oh, don’t look so miserable, Darling. If you wanted me to kiss you, all you had to do was ask~”

His hands cradled your cheeks and turned your face toward him. Your mind scrambled to catch up to what was happening, the warm glowing light warming his face as he gave you the most cat-that-ate-the-canary smirk you had ever seen, his eyes lidded, and he pressed his lips to yours.

They were soft, impossibly soft, as he playfully ghosted them across your mouth. You laced your fingers in his hair and pulled him closer, one of his hands drifting to your neck and the other to your waist. He tasted like artificial strawberry, you noticed, after he sucked on your lower lip, leaving a hint of flavor behind. His fingers massaged the top of your neck as he kissed you, and you couldn’t resist the urge to moan into his mouth.

When your lips parted, he took the opportunity to slide his tongue against yours. He felt like electricity, sending volts through each part of you he touched, and you did your level best to do the same for him. It was almost tender, the way he held you like you were his most valued treasure. You could take his fickle nature and the heartbreak of him leaving as long as you got to have this just a few moments longer.

When you broke away from each other, you found yourself entangled in him and still entirely too close, but you didn’t retreat. His tongue rolled over his lips, taking the last bit of your taste with it, and you wanted nothing more than to give him more to take.

You swung one leg over his lap, being mindful of your dress, and you kissed him again. You were rougher this time as you pulled him close, letting your teeth drag over his lips and sucking on his tongue. His arms pulled you in flush against him as his hands found your ass, cupping you through the fabric. You groaned and pulled up your skirt enough for his hands to snake under, and the feeling of his calloused palms on your bare skin was to die for.

He was the one who broke the kiss next.

“You’re so irresistible like this~,” he moaned, “If we go much further, Love, I won’t be able to stop myself from fucking you. Is that what you want~?”

You didn’t even hesitate to kiss him again, and he didn’t bother to continue his line of questioning. Instead, his tongue rolled against yours as one of his hands followed the elastic band of your underwear to your front, where his thumb rolled gently against your clit. You moaned into his throat, and his pleased giggle reverberated against your lips as he teased you faster, drawing small tight circles over your sensitive nerves again and again.

He slipped his hand under the lace of your panties, using his other hand to hold your ass stable against his hips, and his wandering fingers found the entrance to your slit. He trailed a line up and down, and the feeling of his calluses was almost enough to drive you mad.

“Already so wet for me,” he whispered as he slid his first finger into you, then another in quick succession. You could feel him stretching you each time he rolled his wrist, pulling the digits out almost completely before rocking them back in. Then his fingers  _ curled,  _ massaging the tender spot inside of you that made your mind go blank. You rocked your hips against his hand, and his thumb found its place on your clit again, pleasuring you from both inside and out.

You clung to him, one hand fisted into his hair and the other into his jacket as he fingered you. Fuck, you figured he had to be good, but you never would’ve guessed he was this good. You barely had the chance to choke out his name before you felt your climax coming.

“H-Hisok - ah! - Hisoka, I’m gonna-”

“Cum for me, Love~”

And you were falling, your core fluttering over him as you ground against his hand, pulling that last little bit of friction from him that made the white hot pleasure inside you disperse. He continued to tease you, albeit much more gently, until your orgasm subsided and you were left with only bliss.

You whined when he pulled his hand away from you. He chuckled, then took his fingers into his mouth, sucking them clean from the remnants of you while keeping his eyes on yours. Fuck, that was hot. You knew he was teasing you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. He kissed you again, and you could taste yourself on his lips.

“Maybe next time I’ll taste you properly,” he mused. Next time? There would be a next time? You didn’t have the chance to mull it over as he effortlessly lifted you before setting you back down on the bench, your back flat against the seat. He hovered over you with all the lithe grace of a predator, the first stars just beginning to peak out from behind his head.

He slid your panties off and pocketed them, spreading your legs wide as he inspected you. You suddenly felt shy. You’d never been ashamed in front of a lover before, but somehow, the idea of a demigod like Hisoka seeing you bare was almost scandalous. Still, you didn’t flinch away from him as he traced the line of your labia again.

“You have no idea how stunning you are, Darling,” he commented nonchalantly, as if it were the most obvious observation in the entire world, “I’m assuming you still want me to fuck you?”

“Yes, please.”

“With pleasure.”

He practically peeled himself out of his suit jacket and draped it over the edge of the fountain before loosening his tie just enough to be titillating. His hips swayed as he loosened his belt, undid the top button, and slowly drew the zipper down. Oh, so he was putting on a show for you. Still, you couldn’t complain. He looked so incredibly hot like this, it wasn’t fair. His thumbs hooked into the waistbands of his pants and slid them down just far enough to reveal his sizable, hard, twitching cock.

Leave it to Hisoka to not wear underwear to a wedding, you thought.

He settled himself between your thighs, being mindful to keep your skirt between you and the bench without hindering him. His eyes held yours as you felt the head of his cock tease your entrance, and you noticed his barely-there breath sync up with yours.

In.

Out.

_ In. _

He entered you with one fluid motion, the lubrication from your last orgasm enough to make the experience smooth. You felt yourself stretch deliciously over him, taking him to the hilt, and you moaned. Fuck, he filled you perfectly. You rolled your hips against him without thinking, already wanting him to ruin you, and he chuckled.

“How impatient~”

Then he was thrusting, setting a pace that could only be described as brutal. Each stroke inward hit you in your deepest points, each withdrawal left you feeling empty, and both were happening faster than you could think. He was rough, grueling even, as he pounded you. One of his hands snaked under your hips and pulled you up just enough to change the angle, while the other threaded into your hair as he kissed you. You cried out as he hit his new target, knowing immediately that this was how you liked to be fucked.

“God, Hisoka! You feel so - mmm - so good,” you praised him mindlessly between kisses, before his lips trailed away to nibble at your throat. You could feel each blissful inch of him as he pulled moans and cries from your lips, and you were sure you would be his forever if he asked it of you in this moment.

You would worship him in exchange for him taking you like this over and over again.

The hand in your hair slipped under your skirt and between the two of you, once again drawing tight, rough circles against your clit as he fucked you. You did your best to roll against him, meeting each thrust with your hips and grinding your aching clit against his hand. He wanted to make you cum again, and you were going to like your life depended on it. You could feel the cliff approaching, threatening to send you careening over the edge with just a little more friction.

“Hisoka! I’m gonna cum again,” you warned.

“That’s my good little slut. Go on, cum on my cock, cum for me~” he cooed, and his voice sent shockwaves through you as his hand teased you harder, his cock hitting you even deeper and faster if it was possible, and you felt it, you felt the release coming so quickly, you were right there-

And then you came again, screaming his name. He rode out your orgasm inside you, keeping the breakneck pace as he leaned his weight against you. You held him close and stared at the stars, completely blissed out as he drove himself toward his own release. You saw one little sparkle shoot across the sky, and you decided to make a wish.

_ ‘Let me stay by him for as long as possible.’ _

“In or out, Darling?” his voice was husky in your ears.

“In,” you replied, and you felt him rock against you a few more times before his hips stuttered and stopped. You felt so full and warm inside as he recovered, then withdrew, making the handkerchief from earlier appear as if by magic again as he pressed it to your entrance. You would thank him later for helping with the cleanup.

He stood and situated his pants again before sliding back into his jacket. He looked unfairly sexy in his disheveled post-coitus state, though you couldn’t imagine you looked much better. Still, when he offered you a hand up, you took it.

“Can I have my panties back, Hisoka?” you asked.

“Why?” he asked, falsely innocent, “I’m just going to take them off again when we get back to the hotel~”

Your cunt throbbed with anticipation. You supposed he wasn’t kidding about the ‘next time’ he had mentioned. He took your momentary distraction as an opportunity to change the subject, a sly grin spreading across his face as he pulled you close and turned to guide you out of the maze.

“Considering we were almost interrupted by the photographer, I don’t think you have to worry about being badgered anymore, Love~” you could feel the heat rush up your neck to your face.

“Hisoka!”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!


End file.
